Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
