Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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