I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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