I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
