Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
