What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
