toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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