just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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