I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
