Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
