So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
