And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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