She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
