The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
