I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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