this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
