Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Buhtt sex?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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