And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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