you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
