Your tits are I can't wait for
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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