Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
