he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
