he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
