Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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