Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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