Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
