Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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