U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was like eating out sand paper
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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