Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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