I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize