So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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