i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
