I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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