I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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