...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
