He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
