Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
