shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
