I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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