He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
