It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
