shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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