so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
