You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
