I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
