5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
