im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
