just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
