i need an iv and a liver transplant
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize