and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Found the puke drawer
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
