im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
