I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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