Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
