I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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