Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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