white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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