You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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