Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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