You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
