i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
