My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
