Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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