worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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