I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dear god my vagina.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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