Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
