I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
