I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
